Fantastic Discussions On A Saturday Night

For the first three Saturdays of the month, here at the Human Potential Center, we have a video. We watch the video, eat popcorn and generally enjoy ourselves.

After the video we have a discussion. This is not your usual chit chat. We are discussing things that are very important to us; ourselves, our feelings and our lives. Some of us can go very deep. I remember one man saying that he couldn’t believe that he had found a place where he could look more closely and discuss his personal issues in a group and end up understanding himself more that he had before.

The movie itself is not the point of the discussion. It is more about the themes in the movie that were the most personally effective. At the end of the movie, we create questions using the themes, whether it be jealousy, anger, or any other feeling that came up for us during the viewing. We learn how to form open ended questions, using I statements, and begin the questions with a what, when or how. Plus, the group assists in the creation of the questions as many of us are new to this kind of thinking. We end up creating evocative questions that help us think about our personal involvement in our lives or life circumstances more deeply.

And we can get the best questions from a light movie. It is amazing how involved our discussions can be after a movie like Green Lantern. This last Saturday we had a great discussion about arrogance, fear and quitting things we love.

I find that even though the person is talking about their own experience, I can always find something that I can relate to in my own life. I love these great discussions which I don’t get in any other part of my life.

Here are the questions we came up with last Saturday. These questions help us to focus our thoughts more clearly on what we want to say about the feelings we had during the movie.

GREEN LANTERN QUESTIONS

1.    If for once I didn’t quit something I cared about, what’s the worst that could happen?
2.    How does my anger originate from my fear, and vice versa?
3.    When have I failed to acknowledge other people’s pain?
4.    What is it about arrogance that attracts me?
5.    What does it take for me to walk away from something I know is not good for me?
6.    In what situations has fear served me?
7.    When have I thought that bad things were happening when I didn’t deserve them?
8.    What am I willing to die for, and why?

So, if you live in or around the Austin area, we would love to have you come and join us, for what always promises to be a great learning experience for all of us.

First three Saturdays from 6 pm to 10:30 pm. The next video will be on May 19th. Check out the video calendar at humanpotentialcenter.org. If you can’t join us this month, maybe we will see you in June. Hope you can make it.

Getting Unstuck

You’ve decided to make some changes in your life. You know the direction in which you want to go, have ordered, purchased or amassed the necessary accoutrements to facilitate the change, but for some reason, of which you are not entirely unaware, nothing changes.  Life gets in the way. Laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, shopping, naps, bills, family, friends, etc.  Other excuses, reasons, and rationalizations abound.  Yesterday, the things that you put off till tomorrow have arrived today and still no progress has been made.  What will you do? What will you do?

I have a few suggestions:

One.  Put aside some time for yourself each day to work on taking the next step in making the change. Start with just 20 to 30 minutes every day and focus on that you need to do.  Then do it.

Two.  Change your attitude. You are in charge of it.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude…I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of our attitudes”. ~ CHARLES SWINDOLL

Three. Cultivate “will power.” Whatever distractions come up, either deal with them and get back to working on your goal ASAP, or ignore the distraction (depending on its severity).

Four.  Resist complacency. “Life’s alright and I ain’t gonna fight it today’” is a line in a song I haven’t quite finished yet. Possibly because when I start to work on it, my attitude changes and that line leads me to want to take a nap’

Five.  Perseverance…or…if you don’t quit, you won’t fail. This one is pretty self-explanatory.

Personally I have a marked propensity for procrastination and sloth. I’m gradually getting better at controlling both, and still have work to do in some areas, but I’m making progress.

One more thought. “The longest journey begins with but a single step.”  Take it. Get it done and move on to the next step.  Get off your b…b….b…well you know what I mean…..

Namaste,  Ram Dassnt

P.S.  Buttons with the words “Resist Complacency” will soon be available from the Human Potential Center.  

P.S.S.T….This weekend at the Human Potential Center, Bob is giving a workshop on getting unstuck. Hope to see you there.

I need a hug!

“We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”   Virginia Satir

It just makes sense donesn’t it?   It should be easy enough to get four a day.  Just ask. You’ll be surprised at how many folks are receptive to being hugged. Of course, some aren’t. In my personal research over the years, I’ve found that co-workers are more inclined than management. Something about maintaining a professional distance.  I can understand that. I can only hope they’re hugging someone, somewhere. Their emotional well-being can affext those they “manage”.

Many moons ago,  I read about a study done on newborn rhesus monkeys who were deprived of their mother’s touch.  Provided with warmth, food and shelter, they withered until an upright furry stand was placed near them and they could cling to it. Surrogate mom? To me it points to an innate need to give and receive physical contact/affection among the members of the animal kingdom…us included.

Those of you old enough to remember the last episode of  the Mary Tyler Moore show witnessed a group hug. A little difficult to orchestrate, but worth the effort. My favorite kind of hug is the “oreo”, involving  three people. I’m sure you can picture it. And each person can take turns being in the middle.

I should mention here that all hugging I’m referring to is done standing up. Any done in a prone position becomes “cuddling” , which may become the subject of a separate blog.

Hugging is pretty much universal, meaning there may be some cultures that just don’t. The only one I can think of may be the Eskimos, but then I’m not very well-versed on international cultures.

Hugging has been the subject of many art forms including sculpture and painting dating back hundreds of years. It can imply many things; shared joy, shared sadness, affection and love. They also vary in length, the longer suggesting a closer relationship.

There are different kinds of hugs between two people. The upper body hug …friendly. The full body hug…a little more intimate. The side hug. The handshake-backslapping hug, and the back hug. One comes up behind the other and encircles them with their arms.

Hugging can also reduce blood pressure and reduce levels of cortisol, a stress hormone. So it feels good and its good for you.  Win, Win!   CAUTION! It is a good idea to ask first. Make it known to those around you that you are available should they need one, with the agreement that should you need one….

I heard about a man in Australia who started a “free hug” movement in 2006.  It’s never too late to start one here. You could start by purchasing a “professional hugger” button soon to be available on the Human Potential Center website. And keep an eye on the HPC link on Facebook. A “how to” video is now in the planning stages. You can also get one for free by attending any of the classes or workshops offered by the HPC.

Remember, 4 a day to survive, 8 to stay “alive”, and 12 to thrive.  The more people are hugging, the less they’re fighting.  Do your part for whirled peas.

Now get out there and start hugging!                                           Ram Dassnt

Don’t Look Back, Don’t Look Ahead, Just LOOK OUT!!

DON’T LOOK BACK, DON’T LOOK AHEAD, JUST LOOK OUT!!
…..or Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift.

 So how much are your dragging along with you? The BIG one usually has to do with relationships. A sub-category or three might involve parental/societal expectations, lost loves, and dear friends who have passed away. 

Parental/societal expectation? I bought the whole schmear. Right up till I had to choose to stay in the cold, drab town  in which I was born, work at the local factory, find a woman, buy a house, settle down and retire in thirty years, or take the road less traveled and grab the opportunity facing me, and move to the west coast to “who knows what” kinds of adventures. I chose the latter and have never regretted it.

Ah….lost loves. Yes, I left my heart in San Francisco. Three years after arriving there, I returned to my hometown to recuperate from a love found and lost. Three years later the girl I left behind contacted me, we reconnected and I moved back to the coast to be with her. Three years after that it was over again. But instead of licking my wounds in the city of my birth, which I’d now left twice, I toughed it out, stayed, and unfortunately carried that scar with me until recently when I took a course at The Human Potential Center which cleared a few things up for me and I was able to let go and open my heart and mind to new possibilities. If I’d only known then what I know now…a phrase that goes through my mind when thinking about past mistakes. Regrets? I have a few. Nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.

How to Get to Feeling ‘Un-Stuck’ If you Feel ‘Stuck’

As uncomfortable as being ‘stuck’ or feeling in a rut or perhaps even feeling mildly depressed can feel, the feeling of ‘stuck-ness’ and the resistence to happiness or feeling at ease can serve as motivation to begin new activities or adopt new attitudes about life and people that can help you to feel happier.

Some people refer to old patterns of thought or old attitudes which no longer offer relief as the mind playing ‘old tapes’. While these old tapes are familiar and possibly comforting in some ways, just like maps can grow outdated, and not describe in detail the size and actual locations of cities and countries, so too can these ‘old tapes’ become limited in their ability to lead your thoughts and behaviors to give you a sense of peace and happiness.

So, how do I get ‘un-stuck’ if I feel ‘stuck’?

Arrogance vs. Confidence

Over the past few months, I’ve been on a healing and personal journey that taught me a lot about myself and human nature in general. And it has indeed been eye-opening.

This past Wednesday evening, I started a class at the Human Potential Center on Building Healthy Self-Esteem, and I’m everso excited. As someone who started looking deeply inward when I was about 25, seventeen years ago, it is no news to me that the foundation of many of my issues and shortcomings and fears (especially fears) are based in my lack of healthy self-esteem.

Ridiculous, really. I’ve written and published seven books, several of which have won awards and were Amazon bestsellers; produced and directed two documentaries, one of which premiered theatrically in Paris; and have two degrees in English Literature. Some would say I was well accomplished, but my self-esteem is lower than nearly anyone I know. In fact, it’s at a really crippling low level…

What’s up with that?

Self-esteem is something that is gifted to a person in childhood. Or, in far too many cases, isn’t. After one hits puberty without it, they’re pretty much on their own.

Healthy self-esteem can be the difference between success and failure. Seriously. Especially in one’s own mind, which is really where it counts. Even if the world sees you as a success, one word from a critic can cause you to crumble. That’s low self-esteem.

But what many people don’t understand (it wasn’t clear to me until very recently), people who are arrogant also have low self-esteem. Arrogance does not equal confidence. Quite the opposite.

The Personal Value of Healthy Self-Esteem

The Personal Value of Healthy Self-Esteem

Feeling the value of healthy self-esteem is like realizing the value of having health insurance.

Having access to good health insurance can comfort your worries about finding help when feeling ill, give you access to trained professionals that can offer you sound advice as how to best handle health issues, and offer a sense of security that can help make health-related decisions easier.

Like health insurance, healthy self-esteem can keep you protected from people and circumstances that trigger your self-doubt, or self-criticism.and prompt you to seek help or advice from others, including trained professionals, when an event in your life conflicts with your self-image.

Healthy or high self-esteem has, in the past, been described as a way to reach great material success or have the ‘perfect’ life, or in terms of a way to approach life to get the relationships or achievements you desire. Self-esteem isn’t a lot of times talked about in a light that makes self-esteem a personally fufilling trait to have and to nuture or maintain.

Healthy Self-Esteem Protects You

Having a healthy sense of self-esteem can keep you from continuing or forming un-healthy relationships in your personal life or taking on too many responsibilites or stressful situations at work by forming a giving you an emotional presence that will prompt you to end or get out of a situation that someone says or does something that is emotionally disturbing or if you are in a physically taxing or stressful situation because that high self-esteem can’t exist in personally disresepctful situations.

Self-Esteem In Your Relationships

The health and vitality and the level of emotional reward felt from our relationships a lot of times can be based upon the level of esteem or respect a person has for themselves. A person’s self-esteem can affect not only the harmony or health of a relationship but also the types of people a person would choose to relate to.

Trusting your Instincts

The dynamic of person-to-person relationships often times is a result of instinctual reactions a person may have about someone, the level of trust in that instinctual reaction and the behavior that results from that reaction.

The factor of poor or low self-esteem can cause a person who has an instinct to stay away from certain types of people because of a felt sense of a potential imbalance in a relationship or not being able to meet the expectations of the other person to undercut their natural instincts and engage in a relationship that is based on catering to another person’s needs or desires in order to maintain a false sense of peace.

What Does Self-Esteem Look Like?

Healthy self-esteem or healthy self-regard is a very sought-after quality. On some level we are aware of our innate and unique gifts in varying fields or relationships and wish we could better realize our potential or improve the level of happiness felt in our relationships. At times, our efforts to have productive careers or have affirming relationships are compromised by the attitudes about ourselves or life in general that we carry with us throughout the experiences of our day. Often, these self-sabotaging attitudes are the total of the emotional effects of pivotal events that have taken place previously in our lives. Some of these events left profound imprints on our personalities and behaviors, others had more slight impacts on us, but the sum of all of those events, both affirmations and slights, form a very firm sense of us, our limitations, but also our potential in some ways.

Hopefully, this entry will illustrate some not-so-common beliefs about the notion of healthy self-esteem and the deep-seated positive effects it can have both for your self as an individual and the person you are in your relationships and the affirming qualities they can have.

Learning to Feel Good

Feeling good isn’t quite what it seems.

Hello. My name is Chris Jamison. I may be familiar to those of you who have called into the Human Potential Center offices, more than likely to share something with Bob, but got a different voice on the phone than Bob’s pleasant and outgoing tone.

You would have heard me answer the phone because I am helping out with the center on a nearly-daily basis, mostly with office and Human Potential Center related tasks. So far my volunteering has been a relaxing, yet involved due to the ever-shifting demands of helping Bob with the non-profit. I seem to always go into the office, expecting to do one set of tasks, but am needed to abandon them and go in another direction just because the responsibilities of the day require that. If ‘variety is the spice of life’ as a wise person once said, my life is very well seasoned indeed.

While I am new to the Center, I have been dealing with issues relating to emotional therapy and growth since experiencing the death of my mother nearly 14 years ago.

At that time I was in college and trying to be an average, impulsive, carefree, fun-seeking twenty-one year old, but I would tend to sabotage my wishes for happiness by having friendships which weren’t mutually satisfying, being dependent on manipulating my circumstances to avoid painful reactions or over-reactions to people I felt threatened by, and the general insecurity that comes from being an adolescent and not knowing exactly how to accept myself and my flaws and dignity and ensure that I am respected and affirmed by those close to me without appearing rigid or clingy.

When my mother died, I had no idea how to process or describe what I was feeling.