Flying Saucers

Or
The Joys of Disc Golfing

I haven’t done it lately. TOO HOT, if you know what I mean and I think you do. For those who don’t know, I’m talking about walking a golf course, albeit smaller than the kind on which clubs are used, and throwing a plastic disc as far as you can in the direction of the hole. The hole is a standing pipe with chains hanging from the top which ar attached to the outer rim of the basket about halfway down the pole. When you get near it, the idea is to tosse the disc into the basket. Scored pretty much like the other kind of golf, it is a nice way to spend an hour in outdoors; fresh air, sweat, frustration, persistence, friendly competition, and, when you make it into the hole, a sense of really having accomplished something. And its cheap. No green fees, as most disc golf courses are in public parks. No club houses, so bring your own refreshments. No golf carts, so if you’re not up for a bit of hiking, don’t go. If you do, what you’ll find are alot of trees and bushes and water traps. No sand.
Somehow these discs occasionally …disappear. Yes, try as you might to fling it straight, it …veers. Sure you keep an eye on it as it soars, but when you get to where you thought it landed, it isn’t there. If you find it nearby, or way up a tree, or under a particularly verdant bush, consider yourself lucky. All in all a good analogy for life I suppose, but you saw that coming didn’t you?
You know going in that it won’t be easy. All you have to do is stay on the straight and narrow. Make your aim true and let fly. With each game, you take what you’ve learned from the previous games and try to apply it. Many factors apply; wind speed and direction, personal strength, aerodynamics, goal setting and form, among others. There’s even a bit of zen about it. When teeing off, I like to take a moment, calm my mind, envision the path the disc will take to the hole, and glide into the form I’ve developed through infrequent practice and tips from fellow players. (Yes, it’s a social as well as physical exercise) and when it actually lands where I intended, there’s a sort of mini elation, after which I thank the powers that be…just in case.
On a disc golf course, aside from the “real” terrain, is the quality of the people you meet and with whom you may play. These aren’t your corporate honchos, making business deals with others of their ilk. You won’t find folks with the latest, well-shined, cleated shoes and an altitude attitude. I’m talking about blue jeans and t-shirts. And the whole family can do it together. Or you can do it alone. Exercise, problem-solving, sun, fun, and….FREE! Two discs per person is about all you’ll need. Google “disc golf” and I’m sure you’ll find a course near you. Try it, you’ll like it. I guaranty.

namaste

Ramdassnt

I need a hug!

“We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”   Virginia Satir

It just makes sense donesn’t it?   It should be easy enough to get four a day.  Just ask. You’ll be surprised at how many folks are receptive to being hugged. Of course, some aren’t. In my personal research over the years, I’ve found that co-workers are more inclined than management. Something about maintaining a professional distance.  I can understand that. I can only hope they’re hugging someone, somewhere. Their emotional well-being can affext those they “manage”.

Many moons ago,  I read about a study done on newborn rhesus monkeys who were deprived of their mother’s touch.  Provided with warmth, food and shelter, they withered until an upright furry stand was placed near them and they could cling to it. Surrogate mom? To me it points to an innate need to give and receive physical contact/affection among the members of the animal kingdom…us included.

Those of you old enough to remember the last episode of  the Mary Tyler Moore show witnessed a group hug. A little difficult to orchestrate, but worth the effort. My favorite kind of hug is the “oreo”, involving  three people. I’m sure you can picture it. And each person can take turns being in the middle.

I should mention here that all hugging I’m referring to is done standing up. Any done in a prone position becomes “cuddling” , which may become the subject of a separate blog.

Hugging is pretty much universal, meaning there may be some cultures that just don’t. The only one I can think of may be the Eskimos, but then I’m not very well-versed on international cultures.

Hugging has been the subject of many art forms including sculpture and painting dating back hundreds of years. It can imply many things; shared joy, shared sadness, affection and love. They also vary in length, the longer suggesting a closer relationship.

There are different kinds of hugs between two people. The upper body hug …friendly. The full body hug…a little more intimate. The side hug. The handshake-backslapping hug, and the back hug. One comes up behind the other and encircles them with their arms.

Hugging can also reduce blood pressure and reduce levels of cortisol, a stress hormone. So it feels good and its good for you.  Win, Win!   CAUTION! It is a good idea to ask first. Make it known to those around you that you are available should they need one, with the agreement that should you need one….

I heard about a man in Australia who started a “free hug” movement in 2006.  It’s never too late to start one here. You could start by purchasing a “professional hugger” button soon to be available on the Human Potential Center website. And keep an eye on the HPC link on Facebook. A “how to” video is now in the planning stages. You can also get one for free by attending any of the classes or workshops offered by the HPC.

Remember, 4 a day to survive, 8 to stay “alive”, and 12 to thrive.  The more people are hugging, the less they’re fighting.  Do your part for whirled peas.

Now get out there and start hugging!                                           Ram Dassnt

Arrogance vs. Confidence

Over the past few months, I’ve been on a healing and personal journey that taught me a lot about myself and human nature in general. And it has indeed been eye-opening.

This past Wednesday evening, I started a class at the Human Potential Center on Building Healthy Self-Esteem, and I’m everso excited. As someone who started looking deeply inward when I was about 25, seventeen years ago, it is no news to me that the foundation of many of my issues and shortcomings and fears (especially fears) are based in my lack of healthy self-esteem.

Ridiculous, really. I’ve written and published seven books, several of which have won awards and were Amazon bestsellers; produced and directed two documentaries, one of which premiered theatrically in Paris; and have two degrees in English Literature. Some would say I was well accomplished, but my self-esteem is lower than nearly anyone I know. In fact, it’s at a really crippling low level…

What’s up with that?

Self-esteem is something that is gifted to a person in childhood. Or, in far too many cases, isn’t. After one hits puberty without it, they’re pretty much on their own.

Healthy self-esteem can be the difference between success and failure. Seriously. Especially in one’s own mind, which is really where it counts. Even if the world sees you as a success, one word from a critic can cause you to crumble. That’s low self-esteem.

But what many people don’t understand (it wasn’t clear to me until very recently), people who are arrogant also have low self-esteem. Arrogance does not equal confidence. Quite the opposite.

The Personal Value of Healthy Self-Esteem

The Personal Value of Healthy Self-Esteem

Feeling the value of healthy self-esteem is like realizing the value of having health insurance.

Having access to good health insurance can comfort your worries about finding help when feeling ill, give you access to trained professionals that can offer you sound advice as how to best handle health issues, and offer a sense of security that can help make health-related decisions easier.

Like health insurance, healthy self-esteem can keep you protected from people and circumstances that trigger your self-doubt, or self-criticism.and prompt you to seek help or advice from others, including trained professionals, when an event in your life conflicts with your self-image.

Healthy or high self-esteem has, in the past, been described as a way to reach great material success or have the ‘perfect’ life, or in terms of a way to approach life to get the relationships or achievements you desire. Self-esteem isn’t a lot of times talked about in a light that makes self-esteem a personally fufilling trait to have and to nuture or maintain.

Healthy Self-Esteem Protects You

Having a healthy sense of self-esteem can keep you from continuing or forming un-healthy relationships in your personal life or taking on too many responsibilites or stressful situations at work by forming a giving you an emotional presence that will prompt you to end or get out of a situation that someone says or does something that is emotionally disturbing or if you are in a physically taxing or stressful situation because that high self-esteem can’t exist in personally disresepctful situations.

What is Self-Esteem?

What is self-esteem? There are a few different theories.

A woman at the Video Discussion the other night, said that when she feels her passion, her self-esteem goes up. I asked her if that was the only time her self-esteem was high. She couldn’t tell me.

Self-esteem is not one of those things that come and go with an accomplishment, a win, or with passion. Self-esteem is more of a foundation upon which we build our self-image and our confidence.

We may have more confidence in one thing more than another; i.e., relationships vs. business transactions. When one gets a rush of confidence, it can be like a sugar rush. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. When we have a success, our confidence goes up, which may then increase our self-esteem, making the foundation stronger.

Self-esteem lasts all of the time, 24 hours a day. That would be my preferred definition, and it is not always easy to make the 24 hour self-esteem a reality. It takes work.

Let’s look at what self-esteem can be:

Self-Esteem In Your Relationships

The health and vitality and the level of emotional reward felt from our relationships a lot of times can be based upon the level of esteem or respect a person has for themselves. A person’s self-esteem can affect not only the harmony or health of a relationship but also the types of people a person would choose to relate to.

Trusting your Instincts

The dynamic of person-to-person relationships often times is a result of instinctual reactions a person may have about someone, the level of trust in that instinctual reaction and the behavior that results from that reaction.

The factor of poor or low self-esteem can cause a person who has an instinct to stay away from certain types of people because of a felt sense of a potential imbalance in a relationship or not being able to meet the expectations of the other person to undercut their natural instincts and engage in a relationship that is based on catering to another person’s needs or desires in order to maintain a false sense of peace.

What Does Self-Esteem Look Like?

Healthy self-esteem or healthy self-regard is a very sought-after quality. On some level we are aware of our innate and unique gifts in varying fields or relationships and wish we could better realize our potential or improve the level of happiness felt in our relationships. At times, our efforts to have productive careers or have affirming relationships are compromised by the attitudes about ourselves or life in general that we carry with us throughout the experiences of our day. Often, these self-sabotaging attitudes are the total of the emotional effects of pivotal events that have taken place previously in our lives. Some of these events left profound imprints on our personalities and behaviors, others had more slight impacts on us, but the sum of all of those events, both affirmations and slights, form a very firm sense of us, our limitations, but also our potential in some ways.

Hopefully, this entry will illustrate some not-so-common beliefs about the notion of healthy self-esteem and the deep-seated positive effects it can have both for your self as an individual and the person you are in your relationships and the affirming qualities they can have.