Listen, Listen, Listen

Barbara Walters on the impulse to flee when talking to difficult people:
“I’m not in favor of escape as a unilateral policy. There are painful, tedious people in abundance and some of them must be suffered kindly, maybe even until they run down and have nothing more to say. Things being what they are in the world today, we are more and more driven to depend on one another’s sympathy and friendship in order to survive emotionally…

Furthermore, warm, sustaining relationships become especially important during those periods when we are our least lovable. People bursting with good will and abundance of mental health are charming company; their need for ego-boosting, however, is minimal. People sinking into self-pity and depression are dreary, but they can’t get out of it by themselves. So every now and then, just sit there and listen, listen, listen. You’re paying your membership dues in the human race.”

http://http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/07/16/barbara-walters-how-to-talk/

Free things

FREE THINGS

TO SCRATCH WHERE IT ITCHES
TO THINK FOR YOURSELF
TO SMILE WHEN YOU’RE HAPPY
TO FROWN WHEN YOU’RE NOT
TO SING WHEN YOU WANT TO
TO DANCE TO YOUR OWN MUSIC
TO CRY WHEN YOUR HEART HURTS
TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN WAY
TO PLAN AHEAD
TO LOOK BACK NOW AND AGAIN
TO CHOOSE TO BE HERE
TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE
TO VOTE
TO EAT
TO DRINK
TO SLEEP
TO WISH THINGS WERE DIFFERENT
TO PLAN TO CHANGE THINGS
TO ENJOY WHAT YOU HAVE
TO TRY, AND FAIL
TO TRY AGAIN
TO BE THANKFUL OR UNGRATEFUL
TO BELIEVE WHAT YOU WILL
TO SAY A SILENT PRAYER
TO LEARN ABOUT WHATEVER YOU LIKE
TO RUN AROUND NAKED IN YOUR ABODE
TO TAKE A WALK
TO OGLE OTHER PEOPLE
TO WONDER “WHAT IF?”
TO ACT ON YOUR DREAMS
TO LIVE WITH YOUR CHOICES
TO DRAW A PICTURE
TO PAINT A CANVAS
TO LEARN AN INSTRUMENT
TO LISTEN TO MUSIC YOU LIKE
TO LEARN TO JUGGLE
TO CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE
TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR CHOICES
TO CHANGE YOUR MIND
TO APOLOGIZE FOR SOMETHING YOU DID
TO APOLOGIZE FOR SOMETHING YOU SHOULD HAVE
TO FORGIVE YOURSELF
TO FORGIVE OTHERS
TO DISAGREE WITH SOMEONE
TO LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES
TO WRITE A BOOK
TO WRITE A PLAY, A POEM, A SCREENPLAY, OR A SONG
TO ENJOY A BABY’S GIGGLE
TO HELP SOMEONE WHO CAN’T HELP THEMSELVES
TO GIVE YOUR TIME, ENERGY, AND/OR MONEY TO WHOMEVER OR WHATEVER YOU LIKE
The freedoms listed above may or may not have positive or negative consequences should you choose to use them. Anything illegal, immoral, harmful to oneself or others or just plain downright nasty  is not a freedom.
You even have the freedom to think of your own freedoms and share them, if you like, by sending them to me by snail mail at the Human Potential Center, 2007 Bert, Austin, TX 78704.
Namaste Ramdassnt

A Guy Walks Into a Bar…

Many classic jokes start that way. Humor. It leads to laughter, which is good for the body and the soul, especially a fall on the floor, tears in your eyes belly laugh. It’s why comedians who regularly succeed in making us laugh are paid so well.

I’m not talking about humor that denigrates of demeans entire races of people, or blondes, or is based on cruelty in any form towards other people or animals. That kind comes from insecurity, ego, over-sublimating for one’s own sense of inferiority. It comes from the dark side. Its also a subject for another blog….maybe.

I’m going to drop some names of funny people who’ve tickled my funny bone over the years. Folks who earned a good living making fun of themselves or society in general, or human foibles.

GRATITUDE ATTITUDE

 How many times a day do you say thank you? Just for a bit of interesting fun, count the number of times. Using the phrase seems to be a form of social grease….pleasantries and niceties we us as we go through a normal day. It seems almost like a reflex when someone holds the door for you, provides you with some kind of service, or answers a question you’ve been pondering for a while. Sometimes it’s just a quick “thanks” when you’re in a hurry, and can be just a nod of acknowledgement or a smile. As an experiment once in a while, add eye contact, and see what happens. With all the “bad news” by which we seem to be besieged daily in all its variations, take a moment to remember that most, if not all, cultures have a way of expressing gratitude. In my opinion, it’s the glue that keeps the rest of us from creating more “bad news”.

At the end of some emails I get are the words, “If you can read this, thank a teacher; if you enjoying freedom, thank a veteran.” I can, I am, and I do.

Intuitive Heart…or… I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!

Just what izzat, terzackly? Well, fortunately there’s an app for that. On the dictionary app on my phone, I looked it up.

Intuition – direct perception independent of any reasoning process.

Heart – 1) capacity of sympathy/empathy  2) the center of emotion  3) spirit, enthusiasm, courage.

Put ‘em together and what have you got? Not “bibbity-bobbity-boo”, but a phrase describing a state of mind which includes an open-ness to a “sixth sense”, and a willingness to explore the other than physical connections we share. You’ve heard of “women’s intuition”, I’m sure. I’m reasonably certain men have it too, though possibly not as well-developed. Some of you may remember the author of “The Celestine Prophesy”, James Redfield, who based his book on coincidental connections. It was a best-seller decades ago and opened the door a little wider for the exploration of the powers of the mind and spirit, a.k.a. human potential growth. “Intuitive Heart” is similar.

Getting Unstuck

You’ve decided to make some changes in your life. You know the direction in which you want to go, have ordered, purchased or amassed the necessary accoutrements to facilitate the change, but for some reason, of which you are not entirely unaware, nothing changes.  Life gets in the way. Laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, shopping, naps, bills, family, friends, etc.  Other excuses, reasons, and rationalizations abound.  Yesterday, the things that you put off till tomorrow have arrived today and still no progress has been made.  What will you do? What will you do?

I have a few suggestions:

One.  Put aside some time for yourself each day to work on taking the next step in making the change. Start with just 20 to 30 minutes every day and focus on that you need to do.  Then do it.

Two.  Change your attitude. You are in charge of it.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude…I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of our attitudes”. ~ CHARLES SWINDOLL

Three. Cultivate “will power.” Whatever distractions come up, either deal with them and get back to working on your goal ASAP, or ignore the distraction (depending on its severity).

Four.  Resist complacency. “Life’s alright and I ain’t gonna fight it today’” is a line in a song I haven’t quite finished yet. Possibly because when I start to work on it, my attitude changes and that line leads me to want to take a nap’

Five.  Perseverance…or…if you don’t quit, you won’t fail. This one is pretty self-explanatory.

Personally I have a marked propensity for procrastination and sloth. I’m gradually getting better at controlling both, and still have work to do in some areas, but I’m making progress.

One more thought. “The longest journey begins with but a single step.”  Take it. Get it done and move on to the next step.  Get off your b…b….b…well you know what I mean…..

Namaste,  Ram Dassnt

P.S.  Buttons with the words “Resist Complacency” will soon be available from the Human Potential Center.  

P.S.S.T….This weekend at the Human Potential Center, Bob is giving a workshop on getting unstuck. Hope to see you there.

I need a hug!

“We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”   Virginia Satir

It just makes sense donesn’t it?   It should be easy enough to get four a day.  Just ask. You’ll be surprised at how many folks are receptive to being hugged. Of course, some aren’t. In my personal research over the years, I’ve found that co-workers are more inclined than management. Something about maintaining a professional distance.  I can understand that. I can only hope they’re hugging someone, somewhere. Their emotional well-being can affext those they “manage”.

Many moons ago,  I read about a study done on newborn rhesus monkeys who were deprived of their mother’s touch.  Provided with warmth, food and shelter, they withered until an upright furry stand was placed near them and they could cling to it. Surrogate mom? To me it points to an innate need to give and receive physical contact/affection among the members of the animal kingdom…us included.

Those of you old enough to remember the last episode of  the Mary Tyler Moore show witnessed a group hug. A little difficult to orchestrate, but worth the effort. My favorite kind of hug is the “oreo”, involving  three people. I’m sure you can picture it. And each person can take turns being in the middle.

I should mention here that all hugging I’m referring to is done standing up. Any done in a prone position becomes “cuddling” , which may become the subject of a separate blog.

Hugging is pretty much universal, meaning there may be some cultures that just don’t. The only one I can think of may be the Eskimos, but then I’m not very well-versed on international cultures.

Hugging has been the subject of many art forms including sculpture and painting dating back hundreds of years. It can imply many things; shared joy, shared sadness, affection and love. They also vary in length, the longer suggesting a closer relationship.

There are different kinds of hugs between two people. The upper body hug …friendly. The full body hug…a little more intimate. The side hug. The handshake-backslapping hug, and the back hug. One comes up behind the other and encircles them with their arms.

Hugging can also reduce blood pressure and reduce levels of cortisol, a stress hormone. So it feels good and its good for you.  Win, Win!   CAUTION! It is a good idea to ask first. Make it known to those around you that you are available should they need one, with the agreement that should you need one….

I heard about a man in Australia who started a “free hug” movement in 2006.  It’s never too late to start one here. You could start by purchasing a “professional hugger” button soon to be available on the Human Potential Center website. And keep an eye on the HPC link on Facebook. A “how to” video is now in the planning stages. You can also get one for free by attending any of the classes or workshops offered by the HPC.

Remember, 4 a day to survive, 8 to stay “alive”, and 12 to thrive.  The more people are hugging, the less they’re fighting.  Do your part for whirled peas.

Now get out there and start hugging!                                           Ram Dassnt

Don’t Look Back, Don’t Look Ahead, Just LOOK OUT!!

DON’T LOOK BACK, DON’T LOOK AHEAD, JUST LOOK OUT!!
…..or Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift.

 So how much are your dragging along with you? The BIG one usually has to do with relationships. A sub-category or three might involve parental/societal expectations, lost loves, and dear friends who have passed away. 

Parental/societal expectation? I bought the whole schmear. Right up till I had to choose to stay in the cold, drab town  in which I was born, work at the local factory, find a woman, buy a house, settle down and retire in thirty years, or take the road less traveled and grab the opportunity facing me, and move to the west coast to “who knows what” kinds of adventures. I chose the latter and have never regretted it.

Ah….lost loves. Yes, I left my heart in San Francisco. Three years after arriving there, I returned to my hometown to recuperate from a love found and lost. Three years later the girl I left behind contacted me, we reconnected and I moved back to the coast to be with her. Three years after that it was over again. But instead of licking my wounds in the city of my birth, which I’d now left twice, I toughed it out, stayed, and unfortunately carried that scar with me until recently when I took a course at The Human Potential Center which cleared a few things up for me and I was able to let go and open my heart and mind to new possibilities. If I’d only known then what I know now…a phrase that goes through my mind when thinking about past mistakes. Regrets? I have a few. Nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.

Arrogance vs. Confidence

Over the past few months, I’ve been on a healing and personal journey that taught me a lot about myself and human nature in general. And it has indeed been eye-opening.

This past Wednesday evening, I started a class at the Human Potential Center on Building Healthy Self-Esteem, and I’m everso excited. As someone who started looking deeply inward when I was about 25, seventeen years ago, it is no news to me that the foundation of many of my issues and shortcomings and fears (especially fears) are based in my lack of healthy self-esteem.

Ridiculous, really. I’ve written and published seven books, several of which have won awards and were Amazon bestsellers; produced and directed two documentaries, one of which premiered theatrically in Paris; and have two degrees in English Literature. Some would say I was well accomplished, but my self-esteem is lower than nearly anyone I know. In fact, it’s at a really crippling low level…

What’s up with that?

Self-esteem is something that is gifted to a person in childhood. Or, in far too many cases, isn’t. After one hits puberty without it, they’re pretty much on their own.

Healthy self-esteem can be the difference between success and failure. Seriously. Especially in one’s own mind, which is really where it counts. Even if the world sees you as a success, one word from a critic can cause you to crumble. That’s low self-esteem.

But what many people don’t understand (it wasn’t clear to me until very recently), people who are arrogant also have low self-esteem. Arrogance does not equal confidence. Quite the opposite.

The Personal Value of Healthy Self-Esteem

The Personal Value of Healthy Self-Esteem

Feeling the value of healthy self-esteem is like realizing the value of having health insurance.

Having access to good health insurance can comfort your worries about finding help when feeling ill, give you access to trained professionals that can offer you sound advice as how to best handle health issues, and offer a sense of security that can help make health-related decisions easier.

Like health insurance, healthy self-esteem can keep you protected from people and circumstances that trigger your self-doubt, or self-criticism.and prompt you to seek help or advice from others, including trained professionals, when an event in your life conflicts with your self-image.

Healthy or high self-esteem has, in the past, been described as a way to reach great material success or have the ‘perfect’ life, or in terms of a way to approach life to get the relationships or achievements you desire. Self-esteem isn’t a lot of times talked about in a light that makes self-esteem a personally fufilling trait to have and to nuture or maintain.

Healthy Self-Esteem Protects You

Having a healthy sense of self-esteem can keep you from continuing or forming un-healthy relationships in your personal life or taking on too many responsibilites or stressful situations at work by forming a giving you an emotional presence that will prompt you to end or get out of a situation that someone says or does something that is emotionally disturbing or if you are in a physically taxing or stressful situation because that high self-esteem can’t exist in personally disresepctful situations.