The health and vitality and the level of emotional reward felt from our relationships a lot of times can be based upon the level of esteem or respect a person has for themselves. A person’s self-esteem can affect not only the harmony or health of a relationship but also the types of people a person would choose to relate to.
Trusting your Instincts
The dynamic of person-to-person relationships often times is a result of instinctual reactions a person may have about someone, the level of trust in that instinctual reaction and the behavior that results from that reaction.
The factor of poor or low self-esteem can cause a person who has an instinct to stay away from certain types of people because of a felt sense of a potential imbalance in a relationship or not being able to meet the expectations of the other person to undercut their natural instincts and engage in a relationship that is based on catering to another person’s needs or desires in order to maintain a false sense of peace. (more…)
Healthy self-esteem or healthy self-regard is a very sought-after quality. On some level we are aware of our innate and unique gifts in varying fields or relationships and wish we could better realize our potential or improve the level of happiness felt in our relationships. At times, our efforts to have productive careers or have affirming relationships are compromised by the attitudes about ourselves or life in general that we carry with us throughout the experiences of our day. Often, these self-sabotaging attitudes are the total of the emotional effects of pivotal events that have taken place previously in our lives. Some of these events left profound imprints on our personalities and behaviors, others had more slight impacts on us, but the sum of all of those events, both affirmations and slights, form a very firm sense of us, our limitations, but also our potential in some ways.
Hopefully, this entry will illustrate some not-so-common beliefs about the notion of healthy self-esteem and the deep-seated positive effects it can have both for your self as an individual and the person you are in your relationships and the affirming qualities they can have. (more…)
Identifying how you feel and what your want can be surprisingly difficult, especially if you (like me) have spent years listening to other’s needs and ignoring your own. So here are some hints to make this process easier:
In trying to identify how I feel, it has been very helpful for me to spend time looking at and listening to my actual physical sensations and where they are located in my body. For example, though I may not be well enough acquainted with my emotions to be able to say “I feel angry/happy/resentful,” I can often sense that my fists are clenched, or that I feel a lightness in my heart or a knot in my stomach.
I’ve also found that one easy way to determine what I want is to ask myself the question, “If someone tried to give me this, would I take it?” If I would, I can be pretty sure I want it, and vice versa. Unfortunately, the ability to see our wants clearly can still be clouded by guilt as well as by thoughts and feelings of inadequacy, which often show up in words like should, ought, and can’t. Whenever I hear myself saying words like that to myself, I find that it’s helpful to ask myself another question: “If I could do anything right now, without feelings of guilt or inadequacy, what would I do?”